We’ve all had them – a humdinger of an argument that can leave you wondering what you ever saw in your partner in the first place. It can start over the simplest thing – you want to watch America’s Next Top Model – he says only complete morons like that rubbish. You take umbrage that he is calling you a halfwit, he says what’s the point in having Sky Sports if he never gets to watch a game……you get the picture. Whatever the issue, it can be impossible to keep rational when you could cheerfully strangle your beloved, and all’s fair in love and war right? Maybe not quite. As any amateur psychologist who has ever watched even one episode of Dr. Phil knows, the key to fair resolution of the conflict is to try and keep calm. That and make sure that he knows that you are top dog and that’s the way it’s going to stay.
In case of emergency, try to remember these handy tips:
1) Pretend to be listening to what your partner is saying – even if you know for sure that what he is saying is not worth hearing. The key to pulling this off successfully is to keep nodding and look interested. Once he is finished talking, the path is clear for you to plough in with your version of events and watch him crumble.
2) Avoid rash acts. Cutting up all your partner’s ties and clothes in an act of revenge may seem like a brilliant idea but it rarely works out. (Unless of course you actually want to give his wardrobe an instant overhaul because one of the things that really annoys you about him is his baggy grey y-fronts and mismatched outfits.) Likewise, do not pour paint over his brand new car – this can backfire dramatically. Especially if you ever need a lift into town to meet the girls.
3) Do not sulk. It is sorely tempting to adopt the cold shoulder stance and simply refuse to speak until he apologises. Sadly, most men are wholly indifferent to icy silences. In fact, they will often use them to their own advantage and as a chance to watch football without interruption.
4) Do not resort to name calling. Even if you want to call him a fat couch potato, refrain. He might feel perfectly within his rights to tell you in return that yes, your bum really does look big in your favourite jeans – and then where will you be? The divorce courts probably. (Guys – remember these kinds of comments will never really be forgiven or forgotten. In fact, most women will take them to the grave.)
5) Finally, play fair. Telling him that he has never really satisfied you in bed, when the argument was about whose turn it was to do the washing up is not a good approach.
Good luck!
Author Niamh Greene, her new book Confessions of a Demented Housewife – the Celebrity Year is out now.
Confessions of a Demented Housewife
